Enkyo O’Hara

‘True restraint manifests with the vigor of courageous energy. It’s not about denial, condemnation, or a rigid system of dos and don’ts. True restraint is to stop, to notice. To take a breath and ask, “What am I actually doing?”

Restraint is not a question of “just say no”, or abstinence. It’s saying, “I see my craving, my attachment, my past suffering without judgment, and at this moment I resolve not to create more mindless suffering. Looking directly at my craving, I see I’m not helpless.”‘ (Most Intimate)

Enkyo’s book, especially the chapter on sex, has provided several weeks of excellent discussion in the small group I am working with on Monday nights. Since the energy of craving can be so powerful – I know this as well as anyone – continued attention and investigation is most necessary.

3 thoughts on “Enkyo O’Hara

  1. Sexual cravings—A hot button topic, indeed!
    Sex cravings suggests understanding why sex is viewed as a greater craving versus a nudge; like eating cravings. My interest— why does this craving hold more weight and fear than the urge to satisfy hunger for food? Enkyo O’Hara’ book is another must purchased book, it seems.
    Much attention is given to many aspects of life, as we mature and there are guidelines to follow. Sex as a subject and the activity of sex is not an area many can feel uncomfortable, chatting about. Growing up, there are no real references to help us understand the power, the pleasure and the cravings; from the natural nudge to engage in this very powerful and wonderful activity .
    Adding another aspect of why the sexual cravings have such a pull; is to explore and plunge deeper into sexual trauma. As a primary care provider and survivor; sharing how been sexually molested in the years of innocence and how sexual cravings can be miss-understood due to a need to see and clear these injuries. Can true restraints and non-attachment happens if we cannot see what underneath?


  2. Nothing to forgive. Thank you for your thoughts, and I would recommend the book; Enkyo is always asking us to be completely intimate with our own experience so that we can act consciously and mindfully with others. It is not a surprise that she recommends zazen as the gateway to intimacy.


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