Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

‘Through my own gender journey to my current identity as transmasculine, or a trans man, my direct experience has pointed over and over to the paradox of nonself. The physical and tangible outward change in my gender as I moved through the transition from a gender non-conforming female to male profoundly changed my day-to-day experience. Yet internally, the intangible feelings and sensations I remained mindful of along the way were ultimately genderless. Yes, there was pleasure and comfort in a body that felt more congruent with my identity, but I still couldn’t discern a direct physical experience through my senses that felt definitively male or gender-specific to me.

My experience of gender, especially as I move through the world perceived by others, is very real. At the same time, as my experience of self shifts moment-to-moment, it’s not. As a queer, trans person of color, my identity is very important to me. My whole life, the way others have treated me has been an effect of who I am, my identity, and who they perceive me to be based on these characteristics. In the face of this, what does it mean to say there is no self? As the Dalai Lama says, we cannot deny there is a self. But I know through many years of practice and bringing my moment-to-moment awareness to my changing body that this sense of self is constantly changing.’ (from Lion’s Roar)