Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

‘We arrived at the Buddhist Church on Bush Street outfitted in our complete hippie regalia. I remember that I had on a bright orange large-brimmed floppy straw hat, purple aviator glasses, enormous hoop earrings, beads with bells, flowers, feathers, and shoes straight out of the Wizard of Oz. My sister was similarly attired, and we exchanged quizzical looks over the dark and serious atmosphere of the Buddhist Church where we were to meet this guy. I had my doubts about whether we were in the right place, and I hoped this guy wasn’t going to be a total bummer. 

When Suzuki-roshi saw us his face lit up with a grin. He showed us into the meditation hall and gave us instructions in sitting. I particularly remember his explanation of the bowing. He said, “We bow to the cushion in order to apologize to the spirits we may be displacing when we sit down.” I remember thinking, “he really believes this way-out stuff about spirits, he’s not just saying this; but he seems so straight.” We sat with him for ten minutes after the instruction. When we were finished, he looked at us, and with his biggest grin yet said, “When you continue meditating, the more you come to understand life, the more you will see that life is suffering.” We nodded, as if to say that we understood, and hurried out to the street (because we didn’t). 

I remember looking at my sister for reassurance and uttering the wise words, “Boy, he sure is on a heavy bummer with suffering.” She nodded her agreement and we said no more. In fact, I was mildly disturbed by that meeting, especially his last words. If life was suffering, why would I want to meditate and come to understand that? If life was suffering, and he understood it through his own meditation, why was he smiling about it? It was an experience I couldn’t fit into my understanding of the world, and I certainly believed at that time that my world view was totally correct and complete. I considered many possibilities and conclusions to untangle this paradox. For example, maybe he didn’t really believe life was suffering, and he was just putting us on. Or maybe life was suffering and he didn’t care. But none of the combinations worked to explain what was going on with him because my deeper awareness was telling me several things. First of all, I knew he meant what he said. Second, I knew his smile was genuine, not an imitation of some holy attirude. And finally the worst thing was I quite suspected that life was suffering; hence the bells, beads, and psychedelics to cover up the pain. Although I was deep in a fog of confusion, some clarity was disturbing my world; in a sense he had slipped me a koan.’ (from Wind Bell)

I do enjoy reading these experiences from the early days.