Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

‘Shakyamuni Buddha and all the ancestors after him to the present day trained in not being fooled by aversion, greed, and delusion. We can do this, too. We, like the buddhas and ancestors, can be awake moment by moment, our eyes open to our situation, looking for it to show us what to do. Moment by moment means breaking this huge aversion down into small bites. What exactly am I afraid of? What steps can I take to help that fear calm down?

In my case, one step would be to write down what I want to say. When I’m nervous and uncertain all language, both Japanese and English, flees my mind. I am either speechless or I babble nonsense while looking on in horror at the idiot I have become. I can read, though. Let’s think of some scenarios and write sentences for them. I don’t have to write the perfect dialogue right now, either. I can write a draft, then change and add more later on. I can usually easily attack something that doesn’t have to be perfect right now, something no one else will see. Little by little I can write “Hello, I’m calling from America. I’m Narasaki Roshi’s deshi.” Oh! I know the words for that! Maybe I should be able to tell the person to speak more slowly. Urk! What’s the word for slowly?? Umm. . . Ah, yukkuri. I remembered. I can actually recall words. Oh! Maybe this is doable.

The Buddha taught us to end suffering, not avoid discomfort. Ending suffering does not mean running to higher ground to escape the sea of our fear, anger, frustration, or whatever. We can’t do that, anyway. Our discomfort is always there, no matter where we go – it’s a portable sea. The only thing to do is sail out onto it. Shakyamuni Buddha’s practice is to walk down the pier and check out the boat we’ll use to take us out. Step by step – hesitant, fearful, determined. We gradually end suffering – the aversion we have to what reality is asking of us – and we can deal with the situation and act with effectiveness.’ (from Ancient Way Journal)

As someone who has a particular aversion to any kind of phone call, this article was very apt.