Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

Lots of things happened last week. Ruth took her mum to a medical appointment on Thursday, and received a pretty dire prognosis; apart from the absolute impact of this, there was also concern about the next few weeks. Ruth naturally wanted to spend as much time with her mother as possible – she would feel guilty about leaving on honeymoon for a week if her mum was alone.

As we discussed it on Thursday evening, I had already accepted the idea that we would need to move her mum into our small place rather than Ruth having to trek to and from the East Bay; now I was ready to accept this change as well, and was thinking of ways I could benefit from having a week off at home.

By the time we woke up on Friday, this had all changed: Ruth’s brother in Florida, who was planning to come just for the wedding weekend with his family, was going to stay on for a week; her other brother, who lives in the Middle East, and hadn’t been going to fly over for our wedding, was now also going to come for a week. 

So Ruth could conceive of going away, but then she also had to pounce on all the logisitical changes with hotels and rental cars for her family; for a while it looked like her brother’s family would be staying at ours while we were away, which we had previously offered to my sister and her husband; the next day, it was back to square one, and my sister could cancel the extra hotel she had booked, and will stay at ours.

My friends from London arrived in the middle of this, and it was almost a relief to be able to focus on them as much as we could: taking them out for pizza on Friday night; taking them to the Ferry Building and walking them around the neighbourhood on Saturday; going to Fort Funston on a warm day on Sunday. They set off to see other parts of California on Monday morning. 

Ruth was as present as she could be, and then she went off to stay with her mother in the East Bay, taking Georgie with her, so I have a quiet house this week, tidying up last little details, with a few people dropping out, making sure we have enough people to load and strike the lights and speakers for the event. 

On top of all this, a highly unusual rain front blew in from the Pacific, so I got wet on the way to the Tuesday morning meditation, and, typically, got a flat from a piece of glass to boot. I also got a little wet on the way home in the evening after having dinner with Ruth. Hopefully it will have blown over by the weekend and we will have clear skies for the star-gazing.

In the midst of it all, it is hard to focus on what is about to happen, but I know that of all the things I am worried about, the actually being married part is not causing me the slightest anxiety. Apart from that, I am having to draw on all my practice to find moments of calm in the midst of it all, and to notice when I am likely to spill over to others.