Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

One of my friends in the UK who could not make our wedding texted me the next day and asked, “How did it all go?” What I first thought of was when people ask how a sesshin was; five or seven intense days when so much happens, that it is impossible to summarise in any meaningful way. 

There were so many ways that I had visualised the wedding, from the vaguest to the most detailed, and yet when we arrived at the venue on a sunny afternoon, and saw things being set up, and people arriving, it didn’t resemble any of my ideas. We had been incredibly busy in the lead up to the day itself, between Ruth taking care of her mother and planning for various contingencies around that, and friends and families arriving and being met (I could write a whole piece about meeting Ruth’s brother and his family at the airport on Friday night, and how everything took longer than we thought it might, so that we didn’t get to bed until after 1:00am – which is unheard of for me these days).

For that Saturday, Ruth had bought everyone tickets to the Balloon Museum; not least to entertain her brother’s two young kids. I had asked if she especially wanted me to come too, and she had said yes. It was a joyful place, though I felt tired and hot for the first part of it, and even wondered if I was getting sick. Lying in the ballpit felt very relaxing, and in one of the last rooms, where silver balloons whirled about in currents of air, I saw Ruth, who was carrying her little nephew, and had a moment where I thought: this is the person I am marrying, and I felt total clarity and ease all of a sudden. Reflecting on this later, I knew that part of it was that I was marrying someone who would want to go to the Balloon Museum in the spirit of fun, someone who punctures the lingering English miserablism that can sometimes surface in me. 

And so, once we were at the venue, and it was all happening, it was kind of amazing. I wasn’t nervous standing in front of the fifty-odd people who were in attendance – interestingly, having stood in the officiant’s place many times over the years, there was a kind of familiarity to the ceremonial part that didn’t feel like it was unique to us. Hearing Ruth say her vows, and saying mine, was still very moving, as was giving and receiving the rings.

As this part ended and we segued into photographs with the many groups, the fog, which had been lingering in the hollows below, suddenly enveloped us. On the one hand, it cooled everything down, and, later on, provided a wonderfully moody ambience to all the photographs; on the other, the telescopes that were intended to be a part of the evening, and were the whole reason we had chosen the venue in the first place, were totally out of action. 

Despite this disappointment, there were several moments when I felt totally happy with everything: seeing all the tables set up in the bright sun; feeling the contentment of everyone as we sat eating; and – after we had rather completely embarrassed ourselves during our first dance (rehearsing this had been one of the things sacrificed in the preparations) – seeing almost everyone out on the dance floor for fifteen or twenty minutes, before folks started trickling away. 

The next day, after a quick farewell coffee with my sister and brother, we managed to get out of town  and into the mountains. We had talked about a road trip honeymoon so that we could take Georgie along (she had not especially enjoyed the wedding, not getting to rest in her buggy with so much going on in unfamiliar territory), had planned it, booked the stops a couple of months ago, and then not thought about it at all since. 

Thankfully, it all unfolded smoothly; there was traffic getting away from the bay, of course, but once at Groveland for the night, close to Yosemite Valley, we could really feel that we had got away. The next day we drove the 120 past Tuolomne Meadows and over the Tioga Pass, which I had always wanted to do, stopping often to enjoy the scenery. We had two nights in Mammoth Lakes, which Ruth had wanted to visit, where we got to eat well, take in the views, try a few hot springs out in the valley, and relax. 

The weather turned midweek, so at Lone Pine we did not get to see the mountains in the way that I remembered on a previous visit. Heading back west, we had good food, and then a wild ride on a mountain road that somehow Maps had chosen for us (which I regret not checking before we embarked on the drive). A couple of nights in San Luis Obispo rounded off the week, with students arriving for the new school year, good coffee, and an afternoon at the beach where whales were cavorting close to the shore. 

Now we are back into regular routines; Ruth has taken family medical leave to be able to take care of her mother’s appointments, and we anticipate that taking up a lot of the next few months. I am back with my teaching sessions and work, and looking forward to roaming, as well as being back at the officiant’s place in some upcoming weddings.