Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

‘In “There’s a Cure for Our Attraction to Narcissistic Leaders” (Opinion guest essay, Jan. 4), Adam Grant shows how readily we choose narcissists. Having treated pathological narcissism for 15 years and now co-leading the first clinical trial of MDMA-assisted therapy for this hard-to-treat personality disorder, I’d like to make two clarifications.

First, the narcissist’s grandiosity is not confidence. It is a brittle defense, an overcompensation for fragile self-esteem shaped by early experiences of emotional neglect and misattunement. That history can leave a person deeply shamed and dependent on external affirmation, intoxicated by praise and hypersensitive to criticism. With characteristic emotional volatility and impaired empathy, meaningful, reciprocal relationships are out of reach for narcissists.

Second, it isn’t only people with low self-esteem who are vulnerable to narcissists. In uncertain times, many of us feel vulnerable and reach for leaders who project omnipotence, the potency we wish we had. Narcissists excel at appearing that way.

If we want different leaders, we must stop mistaking defensive grandiosity for genuine strength.’ (from the New York Times)