‘When we live in the vow we constantly live in our lives, seeking our own true nature, the real treasure of our own house. At that time you find your life worth living. Maybe you say I find life worth living by running into Zen Buddhism. If you believe in that way, consider again. Are you sure? Maybe there is something – some object – which you expect, consciously or unconsciously, in your mind, by your intellectual sense. After you start to practice zazen you are very happy for a while. You experience wonderful things you have not experienced before. “How wonderful zazen is.” But the more you practice zazen, the more you realize there is nothing to get, nothing to improve… neither character nor personality. Then you will be discouraged. In order to turn your practice into the power of your life is not so easy. It takes time… a long time.
Your practice is the end itself, because your practice is your life. Practice must be identical with your life, otherwise when you realize your progress in the practice you will be discouraged.’ (from Wind Bell vol X no.1)
I am trying to think how many years it took me to get a glimpse of the point he is making here.