Shundo David Haye – Zen Priest

‘Some people avoid commitment entirely because they are afraid of disappointment. I understand this. Perhaps if I never fully commit to a community, a teacher, a lineage, then I cannot be let down. I can keep my fantasy intact.

But here is what I have found. Disappointment is not a sign that something went wrong. It is, almost always, a sign that I was relating to a fantasy rather than a person. A projection rather than reality.

When I am disappointed by a teacher or a community, the real question is: what did I imagine them to be that they are not? What did I expect them to provide that only my own practice can provide?

To have real relationships with real people, we have to let the fantasies and projections dissolve. And that, I promise you, is not comfortable. But it is alive.

Something remarkable has been discovered recently about plants. They actually thrive when placed near other plants. There are these micro forests now, where different species are clustered together in tight spaces, and they flourish far more abundantly than plants growing alone. Sangha is like this. We flourish when we stay with the reality of each other over time. With the joys, with the disappointments. We do not need each other to be perfect. We need each other to be real, and to stay. Our roots go deeper when they are entangled with others.’
(from Slow Down. Help Out. Wake Up.)